How To Talk About Sex With Your Teen

You might want to start at your local bookstore or library. Look for a book on talking to young people about sexuality. You can also call your local member Canadian Federation for Sexual Health or public health department. Ask for pamphlets and other materials that will help you talk to your teen.

1. Get a game plan. Talk things over with your partner/spouse if you have one, to help you clarify issues and the messages you want to give.

2. Pick a good time and comfortable place. Choose a time when you both are relaxed and have time to talk. It’s also important to be in a private space where you both feel comfortable. Some find it easier to talk while doing the dishes or walking the dog. This may help relieve some nervous energy and gives your teen the opportunity to ask uncomfortable questions without having to make direct eye contact.

3. Share your values and respect those of your teen. Share your values and beliefs with your teen. The values you live by and the discussions you have are important. Encourage and support your teen to figure out his or her own values and beliefs. This will assist your teen to set his/her own limits. Stress the importance of being able to clearly communicate to a partner.

4. Respect each other’s privacy. Make it clear that you want to discuss information, choices and opinions – not their sexual experiences. You do not have to share your personal experiences unless you are comfortable doing so and can use them as a teachable moment.

5. Be sex positive. Talk about the importance of sexuality and sexual exploration, including sexual pleasure and masturbation. Talk about the risks, but avoid using scare tactics.

6. Talk about the facts and more. Teens also want to know about relationships, decision making, alternatives to sexual intercourse, how to talk openly and honestly about sex with others, contraception, safer sex, sexual orientation and sexual assault. Talk about abuse and assault with your teen. If your teen discloses assault, support them and let them know they are not to blame.

7. Listen. Try to listen calmly, even when there is a difference of opinion. If you really listen to your teen, you’ll learn a lot about what they think. Being honest and a good listener will go a long way in building trust between yourself and your teen.

8. Be honest. Sometimes we are not ready for questions or challenges. It’s all right to say, “That’s a good question. I need to think about my answer for a while” or “I don’t know, but give me a day or two to find out.” Follow up as promptly as you can, so your teen knows her or his question is a priority for you. At other times you may need to reconsider a response you’ve given earlier by saying, “I thought about what we talked about yesterday and I want to change something I said”.

9. Get ready to blush and laugh. Don’t be afraid to say you’re embarrassed or uncomfortable. Often just saying so will make you and your teen more comfortable. Use your sense of humour in these situations. A little laugh can release a lot of tension.