What is an Orgasm?
An orgasm is often defined as the peak or climax of sexual arousal. The experience of orgasm is different for everybody and from one sexual encounter to the next. Orgasms can be experienced through mental and/or physical stimulation from many different types of sexual activity, including
- masturbation
- partner sex
- fantasy
- touch
- kissing
- or during sleep
Physically, an orgasm can include a release of built-up muscle tension, muscle contractions in the genital and anal area, increased heart rate and faster breathing.
Orgasm in males
For men, ejaculation usually accompanies orgasm. Most men experience a refractory period (rest period) after an orgasm when they are unlikely to have another erection or orgasm. The length of the rest period can vary from a few minutes to a few hours, depending on the person, his age, the situation, etc.
Orgasm in females
Some women don’t experience orgasm during vaginal or anal penetration. Few women will orgasm through vaginal or anal stimulation alone; stimulation of the clitoris is usually needed. Some women are able to have several orgasms in a row (multiple orgasms). For some women, ejaculation may accompany an orgasm.
What can I do if my partner or I have difficulty experiencing orgasm?
There are many things that can help or get in the way of sexual arousal and orgasm. Sometimes sexual functioning can be affected by physical factors like the effects of medications, illness and hormone levels. Emotional factors or situations like relationship problems, feeling pressured to have an orgasm, negative attitudes about sexuality, a history of sexual abuse, stress or a poor body image can also interfere with arousal and orgasm.
Feeling relaxed, being comfortable with your partner, feeling sexually confident and communicating with your partner can add to the experience of sexual pleasure. As well, if you have had an orgasm through masturbation you may find it easier to have an orgasm with a partner.
If you or your partner has concerns about sexual functioning, experiencing sexual pleasure or orgasm, you can talk to your health care provider or a sex therapist.
Common myths about orgasm
There are many myths about orgasm that can put pressure on you and your partner. These myths can interfere with sexual enjoyment and include:
Myth: A good lover will give their partner an orgasm.
Reality: Orgasm can’t be "given", they depend partly on physical and emotional health. Each person is responsible for his or her own pleasure during a sexual encounter. Communication between partners can help increase the likelihood of orgasm.
Myth: The goal of sex is for both partners to orgasm at the same time.
Reality: If both partners have orgasms at the same time, it’s most likely coincidental.
Myth: Good sex means having an orgasm.
Reality: Pleasure and sexual satisfaction are different for everybody. It isn’t necessary to have an orgasm to get pleasure from sex.
Myth: Orgasm equals pleasure.
Reality: Not all orgasms are pleasurable. For example, someone might experience an orgasm in an abusive situation. Your body may respond physically to stimulation, but that doesn’t mean that the experience is one of pleasure.