Abstinence

Abstinence means different things to different people. For some, abstinence means no genital or sexual contact at all (this includes anal, oral or vaginal sex, stimulating a partner with your hands, touching beneath a partner’s clothing and masturbation). For others, abstinence may mean not having vaginal or anal sex but oral sex is okay. Everyone has a different definition of sex and this can be reflected in a person’s definition of abstinence. If you are practicing abstinence, informing your partner how you define abstinence can help your partner understand your personal limits.

How effective is abstinence?

It depends on your definition. Avoiding any type of sexual activity is the only method of birth control that is 100% effective; however, depending on how you practice abstinence, you may be at risk for some STIs. For example, some STIs, such as herpes, can be transferred by having direct skin to skin contact with the infected area of a person who has them.

Establishing clear limits and communicating them to your partner can help you to avoid engaging in sexual activity that you aren’t comfortable with.

How do I make and maintain my decision?

Only you can decide for yourself what limits you are comfortable with and willing to make. You have the right to set your own limits and not be pressured into doing anything you aren’t comfortable with.

Here are some tips that may help:

Think about the responsibilities, consequences and pleasures that come with sexual involvement. Do you feel ready to accept each of those outcomes?
Read about the risks associated with different kinds of sexual activity and decide which risks you are comfortable taking.
Reflect on your own personal attitudes and values and how you may or may not apply them to your choices about sexual activity.
How will your family react if they know or find out that you are sexually active? Would you be comfortable with their reaction?
Are there any situations that may put you at risk of acting against your decision? (drugs, alcohol, being alone with your partner etc.)
Talk to your partner about your values, decisions and the kind of relationship you want.
Respect yourself. If you are in a relationship with someone that is pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do or makes you feel childish, dumb or wrong, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship. Everyone has the right to choose what happens with his/her body and who has access to it. If your partner doesn’t respect your choice to abstain, then they don’t respect you.
Think about who you are making this decision for. Do others expect you to abstain or be sexually active? Are you making a choice about sexual behaviour or abstinence to please a partner?
Know that you have the right to change your mind. You may choose to abstain even if you have had sex before. You may also decide to have sex if you have abstained for many years. Only you can make that choice.
Know that you are not alone. Many people practice abstinence at different times in their life.

Advantages:

Helps prevent against pregnancy & sexually transmitted infections
Doesn’t cost anything
May be in line with your own personal values or beliefs

Disadvantages:

May have trouble relieving sexual tension, if you are not able to engage in any sexual activity including masturbation.
May be difficult to maintain especially if you are feeling pressured to have sex.
May not feel comfortable discussing your needs with a partner when you do become sexually active.

Updated June 25, 2008

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Abstinence Abstinence means different things to different people. For some, abstinence means no genital or sexual contact at all (this includes anal, oral or vaginal sex, stimulating a partner with your hands, touching beneath a partner’s clothing and masturbation). For others, abstinence may mean not having vaginal or anal sex but oral sex is okay. Everyone has a different definition of sex and this can be reflected in a person’s definition of abstinence. If you are practicing abstinence, informing your partner how you define abstinence can help your partner understand your personal limits. How effective is abstinence? It depends on your definition. Avoiding any type of sexual activity is the only method of birth control that is 100% effective; however, depending on how you practice abstinence, you may be at risk for some STIs. For example, some STIs, such as herpes, can be transferred by having direct skin to skin contact with the infected area of a person who has them. Establishing clear limits and communicating them to your partner can help you to avoid engaging in sexual activity that you aren’t comfortable with. How do I make and maintain my decision? Only you can decide for yourself what limits you are comfortable with and willing to make. You have the right to set your own limits and not be pressured into doing anything you aren’t comfortable with. Here are some tips that may help: Think about the responsibilities, consequences and pleasures that come with sexual involvement. Do you feel ready to accept each of those outcomes? Read about the risks associated with different kinds of sexual activity and decide which risks you are comfortable taking. Reflect on your own personal attitudes and values and how you may or may not apply them to your choices about sexual activity. How will your family react if they know or find out that you are sexually active? Would you be comfortable with their reaction? Are there any situations that may put you at risk of acting against your decision? (drugs, alcohol, being alone with your partner etc.) Talk to your partner about your values, decisions and the kind of relationship you want. Respect yourself. If you are in a relationship with someone that is pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do or makes you feel childish, dumb or wrong, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship. Everyone has the right to choose what happens with his/her body and who has access to it. If your partner doesn’t respect your choice to abstain, then they don’t respect you. Think about who you are making this decision for. Do others expect you to abstain or be sexually active? Are you making a choice about sexual behaviour or abstinence to please a partner? Know that you have the right to change your mind. You may choose to abstain even if you have had sex before. You may also decide to have sex if you have abstained for many years. Only you can make that choice. Know that you are not alone. Many people practice abstinence at different times in their life. Advantages: Helps prevent against pregnancy & sexually transmitted infections Doesn’t cost anything May be in line with your own personal values or beliefs Disadvantages: May have trouble relieving sexual tension, if you are not able to engage in any sexual activity including masturbation. May be difficult to maintain especially if you are feeling pressured to have sex. May not feel comfortable discussing your needs with a partner when you do become sexually active. Updated June 25, 2008
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