How To Talk About Sex With Your Parents

Sex is not always an easy subject to talk about with parents, health care providers or teachers. It is OK to feel uncomfortable, embarrassed and scared to talk about sex. No matter what your question is, it is your right to ask and your right to be informed.

Know who you want to talk to

Parents can be important sources of information about sex and sexuality. They can offer you a different perspective, point you in the direction of good resources and information, and support you to make healthy decisions. It’s important to ask someone you feel comfortable with and trust. When you approach that parent, you can tell them that you’re coming to them in confidence, because you trust them, and you don’t want them to share what you discuss with anyone else.

Be prepared

Think about what you want to ask. Write down your questions in advance so you don’t forget them. And bring a pen and paper to jot down answers and take notes. One good question to ask your parent is, “What do you think I need to know?” They may be able to tell you some things you didn’t think to ask about.

Pick a good time and place

Ask your chosen parent if s/he has time to sit down with you right now. It’s important to have her or his undivided attention, so you want to make sure there won’t be any distractions. Pick a place that’s private and comfortable. Sometimes it can be easier to have a conversation about sex while taking a walk or doing the dishes. This can help release some nervous energy and it means you don’t have to make eye contact if you feel embarrassed asking a certain question.

Getting the conversation started

It can be hard to start a conversation with a parent – especially if it’s about sex. One idea is to start by telling her or him about what you’re learning in sex ed at school and see where the conversation takes you. Or you may want to talk about some thing you saw on TV, read in the news or heard on the radio. This can open up a dialogue and lead into whatever questions you may have about sex and sexuality.

It might be weird at first

Things might seem a little awkward at first if one or both of you are nervous. Don’t get discouraged. Acknowledging the weirdness may take some of the pressure off and will give your parent a chance to acknowledge her or his own nervousness as well.

Listen and ask to be listened to

It’s important to be a good listener if you’re asking someone for information or advice. The parent you talk to may have different values than you about sex and sexuality and it’s important for you to respect those values. It’s equally important for your parent to respect your values and to listen carefully to everything you have to say.

Don’t expect your parents to have all the answers

Your parent may have more life experience than you, but that doesn’t mean that s/he knows everything. If you tell your parent that you just want their perspective and their support and that you don’t expect them to have all the answers, it can take the pressure off and allow them to just be themselves. When s/he doesn’t know the answer to something, ask if s/he can help you find the information.

Show what you know

You may know a few things that the parent you’re talking to doesn’t know. Tell them some of the things you’ve learned. Show her or him some cool websites that have good information. It’s a chance for her or him to learn something too.

Have more questions?

If you want more information about a certain issue ask your parent to refer you to youth-friendly sexual and reproductive health organizations in your community or if they know of reliable and trustworthy online information sources.  You can contact your local Canadian Federation for Sexual Health member for more information.

Situations where talking to your parents can be really important

Talking to your parents about sex and sexuality is not always just about finding out where to get birth control, or learning how to put on a condom. If you’re pregnant, or you’re gay and you want to come out, or if you’ve been the victim of sexual violence,  being able to talk with your parents can be a good source of support and healing.