How to Talk About Sex With Your Healthcare Provider

Know your rights

• Information: to learn what you can do to take care of your sexual health and what services are available to help you do so.
• Access: to receive services free of prejudice (such as gender, sexual orientation, age, ability, ethnicity, marital status, religious/spiritual beliefs, or socio-economic status).
• Choice: to make informed choices regarding pregnancy options, safer sex practices and contraceptive methods. 
• Safety: to be able to protect yourself from unintended pregnancy and infections.
• Privacy: to have a private environment during counseling or other sexual and reproductive health services.
• Confidentiality: to be assured that all personal information will remain confidential.
• Dignity: to be treated with respect, courtesy, consideration and attentiveness.
• Comfort: to feel comfortable when receiving services.
• Continuity: to have access to sexual and reproductive services for as long as you need.
• Opinion: to express your views on the services provided.

If you don’t understand everything your health care provider is saying, ask him or her to explain what you don’t understand. You can ask them to use different words, or draw or show you a picture to help you understand. Before leaving the office, make sure you understand everything your health care provider has told you.

If there are issues you want to discuss that your health care provider doesn't mention, raise them yourself. Health care providers may assume that you know more than you do or they may be busy and forget to talk or ask about something. If you are not comfortable bringing up sensitive topics, it may help to remember that whatever you ask or share will remain confidential.

It is important to tell your health care provider everything you know about your body and health, including your sexual history. The more information you share, the better your health care provider will be able to asses your risk factors and make informed suggestions for your health care. A compassionate health care provider will not be judgmental and will provide information and options for you while respecting your confidentiality, dignity and comfort.

If you don’t want to tell your health care provider some information because you feel s/he will discriminate against you (e.g. you get the sense that s/he is homophobic and you don’t want to come out to him or her) it is best to find a different health care provider altogether – one that you can be completely open with about your health history. If a health care provider only knows pieces of your medical history, s/he won’t be able to give you the care you need.

You may want to bring your partner to a medical appointment for moral support or to share the responsibility of decision-making. This can be helpful, especially if you don’t absorb everything the health care provider says. Your partner can fill in the blanks when you talk about it later.

If you feel nervous, rushed, or just plain overwhelmed, you might forget to ask a question, even if you wrote it down. If this happens, or if you think of a new question, you can call your health care provider’s office. Building a successful partnership with your health care provider takes time and effort. Let your health care provider know when there's a problem so you can resolve things together. Your relationship with your health care provider should be positive and comfortable. You should have confidence and trust in her or his medical ability and judgment. If this is not the case, you may want to look into finding a new health care provider.